Ke$ha is a feminist

So i think Ke$ha is a feminist. If guys are allowed to sing about gettin bitches and slappin' ho's then Ke$ha is just doing the same for women.

For those who haven't heard the animal album then let me run you through it.

1. Your love is my drug = So i've done like crack and heroin and shiz and i've gotta say that your love is almost exactly the same as those hardcore drugs i do.

and by love i mean sexual intercourse.

Your facial hair makes me wet

2. TiK ToK = Clocks make noises. P.s. we should totes go to a party and get drunk and not have sex (unless you look like Mick Jagger)

3. Take it Off = Take your clothes and have sex with me. Everybody please as i'd like to engage in a massive orgy

4. Kiss 'n' Tell = Don't have sex and tell people about it that's disgusting. Seriously why don't you just go ahead and write a whole album about having sex with people i'm glad i would never do that... oh wait

5. Stephen = mmm stephen just coz i slept with everyone except... well no everyone but i don't understand why you won't call me

6. Blah Blah Blah = Why are you still talking and trying to get to know me i just want sex... and to give you a blowjob. fo cereal

7. Hungover = Pretty self explanatory not gonna lie

8. Party at a rich dudes house = Where can we have sex... Got it let's go to some rich dudes house and shack up. get it SHACK up in a MANSION. Ironic i think

9. Backstabber = What's this stabwound in my back oh it's from you i can't believe you slept with my boyfriend. I mean sure he was your boyfriend first and technically he still is your boyfriend but seriously your such a backstabber

10. Blind = I listened to about 3 seconds of this before i got bored but imma take a guess and say that this song is about some guy jizzing in her eye so hard she goes blind

11. Dinosaur = Okay so i do have standards. if you have a colostomy bag i'm probably not gonna have sex with you. Unless your rich

12. Dancing with tears in my eyes = Just a really deep and meaningful song. Could be the next big church hymn

13. Boots and boys = I have a foot fetish and well there's something about boys i like. oh i know it's their penises

14. Animal = um yeah dunno what to say. Bit of an anti-climax soz

I actually love Ke$ha and thats not even a lie i like the fact that she's honest about being a trashy ho bag. And her music is super catchy. like an STD

Top 5 things that people think are funny in drive Thru. but they're not

5. Asking for the order takers number

My response to you is no. There's not much else I can say really. Besides the fact the you look so stoned you could be a prostitute from jesus time or you look so fat that you probs can't get out of your car so take your cheeseburger and go. Just go

4. Asking for a large coke but making it sound like you want a large cock

Oh hardy ha ha that was a good one :/ that's not witty, that's not smart you might as well run around the city shouting PENIS PENIS PENIS.... actually that would be funny you should definitely go do that

3. "Would you like any sugar?" "No thanks i'm sweet enough"

chortle chortle... not. and your not sweet enough. If you were sweet you'd leave me alone and make your way down to the closest euthanasia clinic. harsh but stop making these stupid jokes

2. "You sound different through the speaker haha" "yeah it's someone else..."

this happens. Sometimes a girl will take the orders but then a guy will take the money or vice versa and customers like to make little jokes about. What do you want me to say. Yep technology is amazing these days you can get a sex change IN 15 F*****G SECONDS. GARGHRGRH GET OUT OF MY LIFE!

1. When you add mc- to the start of EVERYTHING YOU SAYYYYY!

Mc-Hi can i mc-get a Mc-cheeseburger with mc-extra Mc-ketchup for my mc-mother f*****g fat arse. SHUT UP you're not funny i get it ! I do! you're at maccas. I work here i think i'm aware of my surroundings slutface mcgee *exasperated look*

p.s. Originally this was 10 things but only 5 were supposedly jokes and the other 5 were just things that pissed me off to be honest.

Cappuccinos, Muggaccinos and everything in between

So here is how a conversation went down the other day when i was working in McCafe

(While reading the lady parts put on a snobby old lady accent in your head)

Lady: Hi can i please get a muggacino?

Me: ummm yep

*looks on screen and can't find anything like that*

Me: Sorry what did you want?

Lady *sigh* A muggacino

Me: A macchiato?

Lady: No *looks at me like i'm stupid* a muggacino

Me: Sorry what is that?

Her Husband: It's a cappucino in a mug

Lady: Why? What do you call them?

Me: Oh just a cappuccino dine in or a cappucino in a mug

Lady: That is soo weird i think you guys are the only place that does that

Me: uhh... yeah


Okaaaay now i'm sorry but since when did we start giving food and beverages different names based on what crockery they're served in?

I can see where she's coming from though i mean wouldn't it just be the darndest thing if we called spaghetti on a plate and spaghetti in a bowl the same thing? The world would fall into chaos and we'd be running around like people who run fast

( i didn't want to say like headless chooks coz i'm pretty sure only old people talk like that)

And one more thing if a Muggacino is just a cappuccino from a mug then WHAT THE HELL does she think a babycino is?

My Greatest Love

So for a while now my boyfriend has been begging me to write a blog about the person i love the most :D and the time to write that blog is now.

Ryan Murphy (The Creator of Glee) I love you

:D phew glad i got that off my chest and now it is time to deal with all those glee haters out there. If you hate Glee then in the words of Sue Sylvester

SHUT UP!

There are people starving in Africa right now and i can't do anything about it. What I can do is watch glee so imma do that and you can hate somewhere else thanks.

There were some amazing moments in Season 2's grand opening.

It was incredibly sad when coach Beiste cried

And it was TOTALLY AWESOME when Quinn and Santana had a bitch fight.

Sometimes I think i care what people think.

And then i remember that Glee shits all over what some people think.

Watch it MotherLicker

Mitchy's favourite quotes

So here are three quotes which i remind myself nearly daily and it keeps me happy.

Hakuna Matata

Fake it til you make it

annd my favourite

It's better to be a first rate version of yourself then a second rate version of someone else

Basically Hakuna Matata is there because when ever anything bad happens i'm always hell devo and then i think to myself "Mitchell what can you do about it" If the answer is something then i go and do whatever i need to do to fix the problem but if the answer is nothing then i go Hakuna Matata and try to move on.

Obviously life doesn't work like that and this is where quote number 2 comes in. When i'm depressed you act happy not just on the outside but in your head too. Loads of people all act like their trying to be happy but on the inside there letting themselves just dwell on negative emotions. When i find myself thinking that everything sucks I go "NO you are happy, you are awesome and you are a complete stud" :D and even though you won't actually believe what you're saying to yourself you fake it until you make it and eventually you actually do feel what you're telling yourself.

Quote number 3 is kinda self explanatory :D

p.s. sorry this post wasn't funny I'm gonna go google a joke now and post it here

JOKE TIME: "On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

My friend Chanel

Dear Followers... all 6 of you

Yes the rumours are true I do have a friend

Her name is Chanel (hence the title) and i am not good enough for her
<--- haha this is Chanelope

I know she must be crazy but she wants more followers then just I

She says shiz like this

"Brace yourself bloggers, its about to get raw like sushi, so haters to the left!"

but mainly she has a lot of photos but she actually has good stories so it's hard to quote a bit but here's some photos


<--This is mainly a personal joke but whatever

Heres another quote

"But no, people [she's talking about famous sexy people] have to ruin it by marring amazingly attractive women and kill any stupidly far-fetched dreams that their fans have for them!

Not cool sexy people, not cool!"

anyway her blog is funny annnnd thoughtful so go check it out here's the link bitches... *awkward turtle*
i didn't mean to say that but i feel like sometimes I'm not homo enough so i have to step it up anyway here's the link... bitches

www.ifitsblue.blogspot.com

Swear Words and Pictures

So after my hundreds/a couple of blog post i've discovered the secret to success.

Wanna hear it?

Well you can't answer me because you're not here right now but i'm guessing you'd say yes. Anyway the secret is...

SWEAR WORDS AND PICTURES!!!!

I may have given it away in the title but it's true and i will show you an example.

Grab a seemingly normal photo say a mushroom
<-- These are mushrooms for all those carnivores out there


Then grab a handful of swear words and crude references

Then mix the two together in a wonderful combination eg.

WHAT THE FUCK MUSHROOMS!!!. You are not a food. If i wanted to sprinkle fungi all over my dinner I would have Gotten me some mouldy vagina filled with thrush.

And I know what you're thinking isn't that yeasty rather then mouldy or fungusy. and you know what i say to that?

FUCK YOU MR MUSHROOM

I'd rather eat shit then eat a close relative of the foot fungus Tinea.

P.S. You've got one hell of a muffin top going on there you Wanker

My Slightly Foolish Brother

Sooo i want you all to take a look at these 2 picturesFig a.Fig b.

In figure a. we see an ear and in figure b. we see some wind up crayons.

Now most of us would look at this combination and say "Silly wind ups you won't like my tympanic membrane, you should probably stay away"

Even in this game, the sims urbz, where you got to mix different ingredients together and hope it would make something edible, Even in this game you didn't have a chance to mix these 2 things together because most people realise it's not that smart.

And then there's my brother

Don't get me wrong i love him but by around year 7 you should have realised that those 2 don't go together. and according to him he does and did know that.

After complaining about a sore ear for a while he was taken to the doctor and they found a part of a wind up in his ear. They tried to get it out many times and couldn't so he had to go to hospital.

He was asked several times why he did it and lo and behold he didn't do it. when asked who did if he didn't. welll he doesn't remember. That's right Connor. there are soooo many ninjas going around secretly stabbing people in the ear with wind ups so they have to go to hospital and have ear surgery. It's a conspiracy by ear doctors who aren't getting enough business... :/

But with a doctor and a hospital visit and conclusive proof of wind up in ear syndrome Connor still denies he did it so yeahhh i call shenanigans

At least he's consistent

My 18th WOOOOOOT :D

Soooo on friday the 27th of August it was my birthday I am now 18 Hooray :D

I was planning on writing bulk stuff about how crazy the night was but to be honest i can't remember all of it.

I do remember that they didn't let me into the deen because i was too awesome for them... at least that's what i think they said.

I also remember that my biff Nicole (see photo) brought her friend Jodie who wasn't allowed into the court so i didn't get to hang out with her until the next night.

THE NEXT NIGHT
was even more fun. i know what you're thinking "How could that be?" but it's true it happened. My uni best friend came this night and she brought all her friends who also have blogs btw so go check them out. One of them is an asian sensation or so i've heard.

My memories from this night including telling Nicole to wear Knickers

then reminding her

then reminding her again

and then probably one more reminder.

Despite all this somehow she forgot to wear knickers and we were subsequently kicked out of the court after one too many vagina exposures.

But it's okay because in the morning i was like ARGHHH why do i have all these cuts n my hands?!?!? *Flashback* new memory coming through.

I smashed someones glass and picked it all off the floor rather carelessly but thanks the court for giving me a medal. jokes i got no medal i gave them the glass and they were like noo go away and i went back towards the dancefloor and they were like what are you doing come back and this happened like 5 times and i was like ARGHHH YOU MAKE NO SENSE.

I got hit on by 2 men who were definitely over 40 hooray

I had my first drunk kebab. It was awesome

Oh and in my drunken stupor i realised that whoever invented Perth was clearly a perv i mean seriously WOOD-bridge WANG-ara, COCK-burn? you didn't make it half obvious or anything

and thats about all i remember but thanks everyone it was soo much fun and i cannot wait to do it again whenever :D cyas

Serious Post

I was going to write a happy blog post but seeing as i kind of want this blog to be about my life seeing as the saddest thing possible happened the other day i feel it deserves a blog.

On the 19/8/2010 my friend Andrew Crawford died in a car accident.

The only other person in my life who has ever died is my gran and she was like 1084 years old and we knew it was coming. Nothing prepares you for how suddenly a life can disappear. We all saw Andrew the day before he died and the memory is as clear as crystal in my brain. We were at the crew meeting and him and his girlfriend Jessie were sitting with each other flirting like they always did. Sitting in their booth like they always did. Loving each other like they always did.

The next day i got a phone call from my boyfriend. he was crying and he told me that Andrew had died. I didn't believe him i was like no he was healthy and fine just yesterday he can't be dead. But when you die in an accident like this there's no warning no signs it just happens for no reason and it's so unfair. You feel like shouting at god what did i do wrong?! why couldn't i have done something to stop this? Please just let me go back and stop it happening.

I was at the galleria with my friend Nicole sitting in the car. I asked her if i could borrow her phone and go on facebook. i went on his profile and there were all these comments all ending in R.I.P. all of a sudden i started crying but like a confused crying i still couldn't wrap my head around it i was shaking and crying and then all of a sudden i was like this is okay this isn't real. I went to my friends house that night and got drunk.

I woke up at 4am to start work at 5am and there was leftover alcohol so i drank it. Yes i could possibly be an alcoholic and yes i rocked up to work drunk but i couldn't go in to work and still be okay. I was fine all morning but slowly i got sadder and sadder all of a sudden i was sober and looking at the ceiling holding back tears. My friend Sam walked in and all of a sudden i started shaking again i ran to the change room feel to the floor and grabbed my self. I lay there in the foetal position sobbing My managers came in and told me that it was okay, that everyone had gone through what i was going through the day before. i sat there for what felt like forever. I got up and my manager gave me a hug and i nearly collapsed. The rest of my shift was the worst time of my life everytime i looked at someone i felt the tears coming everything reminded me of him.

I called my mum on my break and started crying again. She then did the best thing ever. She drove down to my work gave me a hug and told me she loved me and left it was the best thing.
Since then i haven't cried but i feel this heaviness inside me. Andee was just under a year younger then me. We had seen Avatar together. At maccas we made this family thing where me and this girl courtney lewis pretended to get married and Andee was my brother or brother in law i can't remember. He had been telling me a few days earlier about how he got his logbooks first go and i had a sad at him coz i've failed 5 times so far but i still congratulated him

He was always smiling. He was always laughing and he was always making everyone else smile and laugh. I looked around at work the other day trying to find him coz i had made a coffee and the pattern on top made it look like there was 1 giant sperm on top and I knew that Andee was as immature as me and would laugh at it with me but he wasn't there.

Whenever i think of you i know i'll be reminded of one of the happiest most carefree guys i know. You'll never be forgotten. You'll never be replaced. You'll never look down and feel lost because there will always be someone thinking of you. Andrew Crawford you were an amazing person R.I.P.

My awkward turtle movie :D

My Kids :D

Okay so this isn't about my real kids as i'm only 17 but here are my plans for their names :D I've always wanted to give them all exotic names and originally I planned on having like 50 kids and calling them all names like :

• Jergen (Yer gen) (g as in the guh sound :D)
• Enrique
• Vlad
• Helga
• Gertrude
• etc..

But then I realized there was no way I was spending that much money on all those kids so II decided I was only gonna have one kid called God so when he grew up to work at an airport everyone would hear over the PA

"We need god on the landing strip"

And everybody would freak out or God could be the captain and he could freak people out by saying

"You're all in gods hands now" :D

Even when he's a kid I'd run away and hide from him so he'd get lost and be brought to the lost and found and everybody would hear

"We've found God i aisle 3 would anyone like to collect him?"

But finally I've decided I'm gonna get boy and girl twins and call them Mitch and Elle after their old man :D

Limerick time :D

So the other day at work my friend had her period and if that's not inspiration for a limerick then I don't what is. Anyway it's a bit crude but here it is

There once was a girl, Jaime-Lee

From her vagina sprung forth the red sea

Her tampon fell out

And Mitch waved about

But he drowned and now dead is he.

Then my friend felt like I was picking on her so I had to make another one to show her that she shouldn't worry because I pick on everyone. :D

There once was a girl named Leah

Who frequently had diarrhea

No-one loved her at all

'til she mated with Paul

But now she has gonorrhea

What do you reckon? Do I have a future as a poet :D

p.s. the picture is of maccas coz thats where i work :D

If you're going to graffiti, at least make it interesting

So today on my way to uni, as I looked out the scratched windows of my bus I saw a street sign. It said Mangini Turn. Well of course I immediately found it hilarious but then a thought popped into my head. How come people graffiti the windows of the bus with pointless scribble that is illegible and boring to read whilst there are signs like Mangini turn just waiting to be turned into Mangina turn.

Another example is also from the bus. For 5 years i caught this bus to high school and day after day we passed a sign that said blah blah blah Cherry Picker service call blah blah blah. Anyway for five long years I drove past this sign and thought "how hard can it be to get a can of spray paint and change cherry picker service into Cherry popper service?"

I mean come onnnnn obviously I'm not hardcore enough to graffiti anything but if you are then you might as well at least make it hilarious. Draw inspiration from toilet cubicle doors. I learnt this wonderful poem from a cubicle door. "Here I sat broken hearted, tried to shit but only farted - Anonymous"

So can we please work on our graffiti is that too much too ask? Ok thanks everyone :D

My First Post. how exciting :D

So I think it's only right that my first post should be on the topic which inspired me to write a blog. I was posting a status and it went way over the limit and it was in comments as well so people were like come on Mitch write a blog instead and lo and behold here I am today. And here's the story:

Soo i was walking home from work and I thought i could hear rapists following me so i was like stressing out and they kept turning the same way as me but I didn't look at them because I thought they'd almost definitely rape me if i looked at them anyway I took my phone out and began dialing 000 just in case so all i had to do was press the green call button and I'd be saved.

Eventually I got to the main street before mine and this random girl just came up from behind and jumped on me. I was like wtf? and then she said "heyyy so my friend thinks your hot but she's just too scared" and I was like "OMG GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE" :D Best ego boost ever!!! Any way I asked them what their names were and then they told me they'd been following me for a while which creeped me out more then anything which put a bit of a dampener on the whole ego boost thing.

Finally we got to my street and there was an awkward silence until i was like well that's my street I guess you guys can stop following me now. :D It was the best feeling until later on when i was bragging and nobody agreed with the girls that were following me but they did all agree i was a pussy who almost called the cops on a couple of 14 year old girls :/