Serious Post

I was going to write a happy blog post but seeing as i kind of want this blog to be about my life seeing as the saddest thing possible happened the other day i feel it deserves a blog.

On the 19/8/2010 my friend Andrew Crawford died in a car accident.

The only other person in my life who has ever died is my gran and she was like 1084 years old and we knew it was coming. Nothing prepares you for how suddenly a life can disappear. We all saw Andrew the day before he died and the memory is as clear as crystal in my brain. We were at the crew meeting and him and his girlfriend Jessie were sitting with each other flirting like they always did. Sitting in their booth like they always did. Loving each other like they always did.

The next day i got a phone call from my boyfriend. he was crying and he told me that Andrew had died. I didn't believe him i was like no he was healthy and fine just yesterday he can't be dead. But when you die in an accident like this there's no warning no signs it just happens for no reason and it's so unfair. You feel like shouting at god what did i do wrong?! why couldn't i have done something to stop this? Please just let me go back and stop it happening.

I was at the galleria with my friend Nicole sitting in the car. I asked her if i could borrow her phone and go on facebook. i went on his profile and there were all these comments all ending in R.I.P. all of a sudden i started crying but like a confused crying i still couldn't wrap my head around it i was shaking and crying and then all of a sudden i was like this is okay this isn't real. I went to my friends house that night and got drunk.

I woke up at 4am to start work at 5am and there was leftover alcohol so i drank it. Yes i could possibly be an alcoholic and yes i rocked up to work drunk but i couldn't go in to work and still be okay. I was fine all morning but slowly i got sadder and sadder all of a sudden i was sober and looking at the ceiling holding back tears. My friend Sam walked in and all of a sudden i started shaking again i ran to the change room feel to the floor and grabbed my self. I lay there in the foetal position sobbing My managers came in and told me that it was okay, that everyone had gone through what i was going through the day before. i sat there for what felt like forever. I got up and my manager gave me a hug and i nearly collapsed. The rest of my shift was the worst time of my life everytime i looked at someone i felt the tears coming everything reminded me of him.

I called my mum on my break and started crying again. She then did the best thing ever. She drove down to my work gave me a hug and told me she loved me and left it was the best thing.
Since then i haven't cried but i feel this heaviness inside me. Andee was just under a year younger then me. We had seen Avatar together. At maccas we made this family thing where me and this girl courtney lewis pretended to get married and Andee was my brother or brother in law i can't remember. He had been telling me a few days earlier about how he got his logbooks first go and i had a sad at him coz i've failed 5 times so far but i still congratulated him

He was always smiling. He was always laughing and he was always making everyone else smile and laugh. I looked around at work the other day trying to find him coz i had made a coffee and the pattern on top made it look like there was 1 giant sperm on top and I knew that Andee was as immature as me and would laugh at it with me but he wasn't there.

Whenever i think of you i know i'll be reminded of one of the happiest most carefree guys i know. You'll never be forgotten. You'll never be replaced. You'll never look down and feel lost because there will always be someone thinking of you. Andrew Crawford you were an amazing person R.I.P.