My awkward turtle movie :D

My Kids :D

Okay so this isn't about my real kids as i'm only 17 but here are my plans for their names :D I've always wanted to give them all exotic names and originally I planned on having like 50 kids and calling them all names like :

• Jergen (Yer gen) (g as in the guh sound :D)
• Enrique
• Vlad
• Helga
• Gertrude
• etc..

But then I realized there was no way I was spending that much money on all those kids so II decided I was only gonna have one kid called God so when he grew up to work at an airport everyone would hear over the PA

"We need god on the landing strip"

And everybody would freak out or God could be the captain and he could freak people out by saying

"You're all in gods hands now" :D

Even when he's a kid I'd run away and hide from him so he'd get lost and be brought to the lost and found and everybody would hear

"We've found God i aisle 3 would anyone like to collect him?"

But finally I've decided I'm gonna get boy and girl twins and call them Mitch and Elle after their old man :D

Limerick time :D

So the other day at work my friend had her period and if that's not inspiration for a limerick then I don't what is. Anyway it's a bit crude but here it is

There once was a girl, Jaime-Lee

From her vagina sprung forth the red sea

Her tampon fell out

And Mitch waved about

But he drowned and now dead is he.

Then my friend felt like I was picking on her so I had to make another one to show her that she shouldn't worry because I pick on everyone. :D

There once was a girl named Leah

Who frequently had diarrhea

No-one loved her at all

'til she mated with Paul

But now she has gonorrhea

What do you reckon? Do I have a future as a poet :D

p.s. the picture is of maccas coz thats where i work :D

If you're going to graffiti, at least make it interesting

So today on my way to uni, as I looked out the scratched windows of my bus I saw a street sign. It said Mangini Turn. Well of course I immediately found it hilarious but then a thought popped into my head. How come people graffiti the windows of the bus with pointless scribble that is illegible and boring to read whilst there are signs like Mangini turn just waiting to be turned into Mangina turn.

Another example is also from the bus. For 5 years i caught this bus to high school and day after day we passed a sign that said blah blah blah Cherry Picker service call blah blah blah. Anyway for five long years I drove past this sign and thought "how hard can it be to get a can of spray paint and change cherry picker service into Cherry popper service?"

I mean come onnnnn obviously I'm not hardcore enough to graffiti anything but if you are then you might as well at least make it hilarious. Draw inspiration from toilet cubicle doors. I learnt this wonderful poem from a cubicle door. "Here I sat broken hearted, tried to shit but only farted - Anonymous"

So can we please work on our graffiti is that too much too ask? Ok thanks everyone :D

My First Post. how exciting :D

So I think it's only right that my first post should be on the topic which inspired me to write a blog. I was posting a status and it went way over the limit and it was in comments as well so people were like come on Mitch write a blog instead and lo and behold here I am today. And here's the story:

Soo i was walking home from work and I thought i could hear rapists following me so i was like stressing out and they kept turning the same way as me but I didn't look at them because I thought they'd almost definitely rape me if i looked at them anyway I took my phone out and began dialing 000 just in case so all i had to do was press the green call button and I'd be saved.

Eventually I got to the main street before mine and this random girl just came up from behind and jumped on me. I was like wtf? and then she said "heyyy so my friend thinks your hot but she's just too scared" and I was like "OMG GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE" :D Best ego boost ever!!! Any way I asked them what their names were and then they told me they'd been following me for a while which creeped me out more then anything which put a bit of a dampener on the whole ego boost thing.

Finally we got to my street and there was an awkward silence until i was like well that's my street I guess you guys can stop following me now. :D It was the best feeling until later on when i was bragging and nobody agreed with the girls that were following me but they did all agree i was a pussy who almost called the cops on a couple of 14 year old girls :/