Why I'm glad I'm not a pirate

Quite a few people would cut off there right hand to be a pirate. Which is convenient, because i assume a hook is a pre-requisite for being a pirate captain. Aim high pirate hopefuls.

However I would never want to be a pirate.

At first glance it looks like all fun and games:

• You get mountains of booty, and some treasure too. (See what i did there? booty? As in my body's too bootylicious for you? Yeah i'm pretty ghetto fabulous. What of it?)
• You can just chuck everyone you hate off a plank. Personally I wish more plankers would take up this version of the "sport"
• You get to drink rum until planking sounds like a good idea.
• And you get to walk around like this motherlicker

(Look closely at the above picture, The plaits are legs, the goatee is the body, the mo is the arms and his nostrils are the eyes. Congratulations you have discovered Johnny Depps face-man-thing)

But after all the fun and games you have to ask yourself why?

Why do pirates take so much Booty? Why do they hate so many people? Why do they drink so much rum? And why does Johnny Depp have a facial hair man on his face?

Anywayyyy I think i know the answer

Think back to the start of this article. If all the pirates have hooks for hands....

*whispers* How do they masturbate?

I will tell you how.

Very painfully/Not at all.

I mean No wonder they have their way with so many women.

And when it all comes down to it. There will never ever be anyone who could ever replace my right hand. Let alone a hook *shudders*

Soooo yeah, Imma be a ninja instead.